Earlier this week Dmitri Tippins Krushnic, more widely known as Misha Collins, did what 86.5436% of all respectable actors would avoid and created a profile on the popular Snapchat app. Besides acting, (this term is used loosely according to at least 7 people on Twitter), Misha Collins is the creator of an International Cult called GISHWHES. On the official Website GISHWHES claims to stand for “Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen.” Trying to contact any former member of GISHWHES to confirm these claims is exceedingly difficult as most are a very subdued and private group who keep to themselves and do not use social media in any capacity. It is safe to say GISHWHES is a front organization for something far more sinister.
“GISH-whatever is a liberal organization made to brainwash people into believing that doing random acts of kindness is going to change the world. You know what is going to change the world? DONALD TRUMP, and GUNS and HARSHER BATHROOM LAWS.” Said the woman who was recently seen in this uplifting viral video protesting Target. The rest of her commentary was unprintable as it was just unintelligible yelling.
Recent events involving Collins interactions on Twitter suggest he has already expanded his cult-following far beyond GISHWHES. With over 2 million Twitter followers his 140 characters incite chaos on a daily basis. Once he tweeted his phone number that incited mass panic among his fans that maybe resulted in at least one person fainting and probably sustaining non-life threatening but highly irritating injuries.
“The last thing Misha needs is a Snapchat,” commented one twitter user who only knows who Collins is because her roommate talks about him incessantly and refuses to stop wearing a tan trench-coat that has never been washed despite being peed on multiple times by Dean, the family cat. “This guy already has people calling him DAD, and I think they actually believe he is their father.” (Note: The Kale did google the phenomenon of calling someone Dad, or Daddy and we recommend that anyone reading please, avoid this search at all costs- specifically any images or videos that might appear.)
Having the ability to influence such a large quantity of people must have finally destroyed all that was left of Collins good judgement. On May 13, 2016 the Snapchat @Misha.snaps was officially born. In true Collins fashion, the actor immediately addressed his followers on twitter.
Snapchat is an app that is designed for fun and innocent photo sharing amongst friends, however anyone with access to Fox News knows that Snapchat is actually a highly addictive program used specifically for “sexting” or eliciting online prostitution. Using Snapchat often leads to harder apps like Instagram or even computer based programs like Skype. It is very important to note Mr. Collins previously broke Skype on May 10, 2016 leading thousands of his fans or, Mishamigos, to be left in turmoil in a days long call unable to hang up, or leave their computers in hopes they would be able to be inducted as new members into GISHWHES.
Collins had yet to actually send or create any Snapchat stories himself, until the early morning of May 16, 2016 when he posted his first Snap. Radical conservatives everywhere have been desperately trying to figure out how to shut down the internet altogether in hopes their innocent children will not see or be influenced by the dangerous Snapchat account.
“Just look at what he has snapped! How is this filth allowed on the internet? My 2-year-old toddler has a Snapchat, and this is pornographic!” exclaims an outraged Mother in horror as she looks in disgust at the following image posted around 10am while feeding her child hot Cheetos and a bottle of Dr. Pepper.
The Kale would like to extended our best wishes to Dmitri Tippens Krushnic and hope that he will be able to overcome his Snapchat addiction for the well-being of the internet and of course the children. We know that road might be long, but we have faith in you Mr. Collins, just take it one Snap at a time.