North Carolina hotels hosting conventions for fans of Anime, TV Shows, and Comic books find themselves in hot water after a statewide announcement that cosplayers would be required to go through an invasive bathroom inspection before allowed to enter any public restrooms. Cosplaying, or the act of dressing up as a favorite character from a movie, book, comic, or TV show- is something many fans look forward to participating in at conventions. Many fans will spend a great deal of time, money, and literally parts of their soul to create mind blowing recreations of their favorite characters. North Carolina hotels began to panic when they realized the serious implications of cosplayers using public bathrooms would have on “normal people” (a term coined by conservative politicians, defined as anyone who is straight, believes the Bible word for word, and supports Donald Trump).
“It has come to our attention,” one hotel manager said nervously, “That there will soon be hundreds of people dressed like Monsters. People are going to be coming into our establishments looking like demons and something called Sailor Moon which sounds like Witchcraft. We heard someone is planning on dressing up in an Angel costume, but it is just a female dressed as a male in a trenchcoat. This makes everyone in our towns very uncomfortable. These… people are going to be eating at our diners, and getting gas at our gas stations. We are a quiet state, and the last thing we need is a bunch of people dressed up like terrorists calling themselves ‘Suicide Squad’ and now they are wanting to be allowed to enter our bathrooms with our children. It is dangerous for everyone.”
North Carolina insists that it is not the cosplayers themselves that is most upsetting, but the fear that real demons, witches, ghosts, and other monsters will use Cosplay as a means to sneak into restrooms in order to drink the blood and take the souls of unsuspecting humans.
Ima Begot, a large supporter for North Carolina governor Pat McCory spoke to us briefly before her weekly ‘Kim Davis Fan Club’ meeting.
‘Oh, I don’t agree with what that hotel manager said. I don’t care if someone is dressed up in a costume, but how are we supposed to keep the real predators from just walking into the bathroom and using our children’s blood to open a portal to hell? If a Decepticon is dressed up like a COSPLAY Decepticon they can just use the bathroom with me, and my rights as a human and non-alien robot go out the window! What is stopping them from just shooting me with their lasers? This is a real life problem.”
To try and quell the concerns of the terrified North Carolina citizens, conventions have brought in the FBI, CIA, and the Men in Black (MIB) to stand outside of every bathroom and check each person in cosplay for signs of Monster activity. All cosplayers will be required to comply with the following:
- Sprayed with Holy Water and say Christo
- Cut with Iron, Angel Blade, Demon Blade, Silver, and Kryptonite
- Walk through MIB Alien scanning machine
- Show their reflection in a mirror
- Women must take a sonogram to show they are not concealing a demon child
- Have a heartbeat to weed out any Walking Dead
- Show a birth certificate that confirms they are Human
This new policy has deeply upset the cosplay community and has started a Nationwide debate.
“The fear of cosplayers that has developed in the conservative states is ridiculous. I have been cosplaying since 1990, and I have never tried to kill anyone, and most of the costumes I wear are villains and really evil creatures.” Said a popular Negan cosplayer with a large social following.
“If a monster wanted to kill you, it would. No law is going to stop that from happening. They are evil, that’s who they are. I can promise you, every single person on this earth has shared the bathroom with at least ONE cosplayer in their lives and nothing happened. This is just ignorance and bigotry. Pure and simple.” He added, rolling his eyes at the business man who ran past us and screamed “The power of Christ compels you!”
The Kale welcomes all cosplayers to use our bathrooms. In fact, we welcome ANYONE, including ALL Creatures and Monsters, to use whatever bathroom they want and not be in fear that someone is going to discriminate, hurt them, or take away their rights. Because we are cool like that.