Earlier this year comedian Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna
co-created the hit show, ‘Crazy-Ex Girlfriend‘ on the CW. The show has been a tremendous success earning Bloom a prestigious Golden Globe, and more importantly warming the world’s hearts to learn to appreciate their slightly crazy exes. Bloom stars on the show as Rebecca Bunch- a bright and adorable, yet lovably problematic lawyer who moves across the country to follow her heart to West Covina California. Heart is defined as her ex-boyfriend from high school, Josh. The show features an original musical score that could easily do a clean-sweep at the Tony’s if ‘Hamilton’ didn’t exist. Rebecca has a razor sharp wit and a self-awareness that is so endearing, both men and women have begun ending their current relationships just to be like Rebecca. Unfortunately, the show has struck a negative cord with one real self-proclaimed “Crazy-Ex Girlfriend.” The Kale sat down with this devastated woman to find out why she is taking her frustrations to court.
“This show has completely ruined my life.” She told us tearfully. “I used to be known as the person who was arrested 17 times for hiding in the crawl space underneath my ex’s stairs just to hear him having sex with his new girlfriend! I had a reputation for being the craziest type of ex, and I worked really hard to maintain that image. Do you know how difficult it was to be on the FBI watch list and have a restraining order from every single ex I’ve ever had? And that includes the OkCupid dates that only lasted one hour.”
After half an hour of aggressively Snapchatting with the flower crown filter she continued, “Now when all my future boyfriends meet me and realize I’m crazy they are going to think I’m funny and cute and that I can just come up with witty quips at the drop of a hat. I can’t carry a tune, and I don’t know what a box-step is. How am I supposed to put on a musical production number? F*ck Rachel Bloom. She has made it impossible to go outside of my house without someone excepting a flashmob. Like I ate at a Mexican place the other night and someone paid my bill and patted me on the head and said ‘at least it wasn’t a Group Hang.’ What the F*CK is a group hang?”
Other ex-girlfriends have since come forward with similar concerns, and are hoping to also be included in the upcoming lawsuit. The official charges that are slated to be filed against Bloom and McKenna are “Defamation of Character” and “Libel.”
“These women have a case, and I expect they will win what they are asking for. Bloom and McKenna have set the bar for crazy ex-girlfriends at an unattainable level, and a lawsuit is completely justified so my clients can get back to their normal routines of Catfishing online, vandalizing property, and starting physical fights with their ex’s new families,” stated the attorney working on this case. He has lost all of his cases so far, but is very confident this one with be different.
“I don’t even know what gas lighting is,” the disgruntled ex-girlfriend said in annoyance,”or what patriarchal means and I don’t care. I just want my life back. And I want to be able to go into a yoga class again without everyone asking me about Valencia. I have never used that Instagram filter in my entire life. I am a victim, and Bloom and McKenna need to pay for what they have done.”
If the lawsuit somehow manages to win (and get past the scribbled-on-the-back-of-a-Arby’s-receipt phase), the plaintiffs would receive three gift cards to BevMo, Starbucks, and Whole Foods for $25, respectively, along with a VHS copy of ‘Single White Female.’
The Kale is now invested in this case and will follow it closely as we would like to be in the courtroom reporting. For the support of the victims, not because we are desperate to be in the same room as Bloom and McKenna. We aren’t crazy or anything, plus we have the whole unbiased journalism thing going on.