We asked our lead content creator and editor Brassica O’Sabellica to research Forth of July. This is what she came up with. We suspect there was some sort of alcohol involved. Nonetheless, we are as always, unbiased so we will print what was submitted, unedited. Moderately edited. We fixed the atrocious spelling errors.
On July 4, 1776- the 13 US colonies officially ended their tumultuous relationship with England and became the strong, independent democratic USA! 240 years later, both the United States and England take a break from reading news about the US election and the realities of Brexit. Both exes are sitting alone clicking through Netflix for the 49th time, eating Taco Bell and wondering…. “WTF happened to us? Maybe just this once we shouldn’t follow Taylor Swift’s advice and actually get back together….”
Both reflect as a plethora of illegal fireworks go off awakening the car alarms for every compact vehicle within a 21.4ft radius. They decide, “screw it. Today we will just watch Supernatural and hope maybe Season 12 will give us some tips on what to do next, and if Trump is actually a Leviathan or not.”
There you have it, an extremely detailed and historically accurate account. Happy 4th everyone on behalf of TheKale. Be mindful of your neighbors, be safe on the road, and don’t eat 32 hotdogs in under 15 minutes no matter what prize is offered. As promised here is a Supernatural GIF.