CHICAGO- On Wednesday morning Tricia, a 32 year-old accountant made an overzealous decision to sell her soul in exchange for the early release of Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Following through, Simon a Jr. Crossroads Demon gave her ten years and around 7PM Starbucks announced their new promotion, PSL Fan Pass, which allows members to receive early lattes.
“I knew I could make a deal that everyone could prosper from. Who doesn’t like Pumpkin Spice? I bathe in Pumpkin Spice, I eat Pumpkin Spice, I LIVE Pumpkin Spice! Do I regret it? Hell no! I mean in ten years I’ll be 42, which is practically 50, which is basically dead!” She giggled. “Nope. This is defiantly the best thing I’ve ever done and I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
Simon reported he was just happy to respond to a deal that didn’t involve Justin Bieber and his Instagram account, adding “I hate that little douche.”